I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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