I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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