it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
