Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
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I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE