Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..