No, you can still breathe under the balls.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
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I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
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Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George