it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
