So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.