On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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