The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize