i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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