I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
