I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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