also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
