it's like iHOP with fire
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
