the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
