I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
