two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
