Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
