then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
