i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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