take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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