Betty ford says i'm here all night
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
