The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
