You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
