i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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