I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
