why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
