Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize