if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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