Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Randomize
