who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
