There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
