Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
