**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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