I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
