So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
