Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
