Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
