i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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