My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
