I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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