READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
