come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
