I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
