The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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