if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize