So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
