You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
