Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
