Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
