that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
