did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
did you just send me my own nude
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
