do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
