I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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