You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize