I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
