idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
