White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
