you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize