My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
