im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
