Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
