I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
