I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
