She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
