I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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