I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
