He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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