after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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