I'm going to jail i love you
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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