I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
