Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
