You're a womanizer and a bitch.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Please don't give away my fajitas
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
