im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
