wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You have to summon your inner elephant
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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